Monthly Archives: March 2008

Shame and the word “should”

If there was one word I could get people to erase from their vocabulary it is the word “should” and “shouldn’t”.  Years ago when I lived in Minnesota I would see a T-shirt that said, “don’t should on me.”  That sums up my feelings on the word should.

If you examine any sentence in which you use the word “should”, you will see that it comes from an unexamined external referent.  If you change the word “should” to “could”,  you will have something much closer to truth.  If you “should” do something and don’t, it means you are:  stupid, bad, unworthy, unloveable, etc.  Most people have a favorite core belief that their “shoulds” feed.  They are NEVER the truth, but if unexamined, they feel like the truth and continue to feel our core shame beliefs.

Daily reminder:  Make it a habit to notice and examine your “shoulds”.  Change the “should” to “could” and notice how much more loving you are to self and other.  A sure sign of truth is in the ability to love when you are expressing the truth.