Monthly Archives: April 2008

Healing Shame

I am sitting here tonight thinking about the ultimate healing of shame.  The voice of shame never quits and I am not sure it will, at least until I am home with my God.  However, I do believe we can return home while still living in this world, and that although the shame voice may still come up, we can heal from it.  One has to be absolutely willing to believe that we were created in love, and that love is our only truth.  Shame would never have you believe this.  It will always tell us we have something to prove, that we are never enough, that we need to continue to pay penance, and that we can’t truly be forgiven.  I believed shame for so long.  I was sure it was right and that I would always feel “less than” at some deep level.  Well, shame wore me down.  It beat me up and tore me down until I said- “no more.”  I am done believing shame above Love.  I am done believing that I have to prove myself.  I am done.

Healing is about noticing the voice of shame and then being willing to turn in the direction of love.  It is a choice once you know it is a choice.  Until then one doesn’t know one has a choice.  Shame is its own enemy.  It is so vicious that eventually you can’t take it and have to turn in a different direction.  That direction is the voice of love.  It never was not there.  It just felt like that.  It has always been the truth.  On the cross Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”  As long as shame directs our life, we know not what we do.  Healing is about turning in the direction of truth and love.  I just won’t keep listening to shame, no matter how convincing it seems to be.  I am tired and done.  Healing is about listening to a different voice.  I am ready.

Daily reminder-  Shame is NEVER the truth.  Notice that and turn in the direction of love.

What is coaching on healing shame?

I call myself a healing shame coach.  What is this exactly?  Coaching is about helping people step into their lives, dreams, a different way of being in the world.  I help people step out of the limititations shame places on them and help them step into all they can be.  Shame is the inner belief that one is limited and/or undeserving of their dreams.  It will stop one from dreaming and stop one from believing you can have your dreams.  I help people to recognize shame for what it is and to begin to believe a different inner voice.  I coach them in the life that can be lived when one does not listen to shame, but listen to a loving, peaceful, joyful inner voice.  That voice is in each of us, but we often cannot hear it due to the loudness and familiarity of the shame voice.  We have to learn to listen to the voice of love on the inside.  It is not always easy, and our shame will do everything it can to stop us, but it is possible.  It is possible if we are willing to begin to believe that there is another way of being in this world.  As a coach I help people step into this other way of being in the world- to step out of shame- and to live in a truth of joy and peace and inner contentment. 

Shame is so loud and familiar that we often need help in recognizing it and listening to a different voice.  That is what I do- I help people to listen for and to a different voice. 

I don’t think most of us can do this without an outer witness, a person who can hold us in deep respect and care.  When our shame is exposed in this way, it can be healed and we can become all that we, in truth are. 

I love doing this work with people.  I love being present for people as they do the deep, loving work with themselves.  It is such an honor and so deeply rewarding to be present with people as they heal from a sense of shame and become all they can be.

Daily reminder-  Two or more people creates a very different energy for healing.  Shame lives in the quiet of our soul, and when exposed in the presence of another, loving person, it cannot persist.  Coaching provides this opportunity.