Monthly Archives: November 2017

Shame is an Interference

One of my wise friends calls shame, “the biggest interference on the planet at this time.”

What does it interfere with?

  • Knowing that the true essence of each person is love.
  • Forgiving ourselves for our mistakes.
  • Forgiving others for their mistakes.
  • Extending love.
  • Living in a peaceful space with self and others.
  • Knowing and honoring our personal rights and other peoples’ rights.
  • Living in the NOW.
  • Taking responsibility for our choices.
  • Basic trust.
  • Compassion toward self and others.
  • Accepting self and being good enough as we are.
  • Valuing our relationships.
  • Kindness.
  • Honesty.

Shame interferes with what is good and with what moves us in the direction of healing.

If we experience what feels like interference in our lives, we might want to be curious which inner voice we are listening to. Is it the voice of shame or the voice of love?

Mass shootings


I have some thoughts on the mass shootings and the part shame plays in those shootings.

As many of you who have read my book found out, I talk about shame and rage as the same thing. Rage differs from anger in that it always is destructive. Anger is not destructive. It is a response to an invasion of ones boundaries and is a red flag that a boundary needs to be established.

If I feel shame, a sense that I am unimportant, inadequate, unworthy, unlovable, less than in some way, or a fraud, that will be extremely painful. Many people live in this experience of themselves. Others experience it at certain times and in certain situations. If my shame gets tapped or triggered, my first response is to shut down, become defensive, detach from myself and my feelings and move into a destructive, self-defeating behavior. Most of us who move in and out of that cycle do not get so destructive that we shoot and kill others, but we do hurt others in many ways.

I believe the mass shootings are indicative of the amount of shame people in our world are carrying. This world is shame based. In my book I talk about that in great detail. For now I will just reference it.

We will not be able to get to the bottom of the shootings and the shooters without addressing the shame in our world. That is something we each get to take responsibility for in our own way. I get to become aware of how I shame others and myself and step into the hard work of changing that behavior.

It is not the guns that are the problem. It is the shame that gets triggered in an individual that causes an immediate and destructive response.

More to come.

My book can be purchased on Amazon or Create Space under the name:

Barb Tonn

Title: Shine the Light of Truth on Shame: Daily Reflections