Category Archives: Life Coaching



Well, I do love being in Albuquerque, and I know the move was a good one.  Having said that, I am swirling in the reality of everything being new.  I moved at the holidays.  So, between the time of the year, and the honeymoon period of any change, the mixed emotions of the transition are finally just hitting me.

I feel the loss of my “work” in my private practice (despite the fact that I am still working remotely), the loss of my old friends being close at hand, the beauty of the mountains, my home in the mountains, the familiar of 27 years, and my youth.  I am sure there is more than that, but you get the idea.  More importantly, “I” get the idea.

I am re-reading, “Transitions- Making sense of Life’s Changes” by William Bridges, and “The Gift of Years” by Joan Chittister.  They are giving some framework for my process.  So, leaning into my own spiritual practice, working out and conditioning for the Triathlon in August, and writing, along with these studies has helped.  Some days I feel a comfortable sense of direction, and other days I feel completely lost.  Just the way it is right now.

I am building lovely friendships down here.  I am not sure what I am doing here.  So, instead of “doing”, I am “being”.  Not a flowing transition for me at times.

So, my challenge is to just let myself be right where I am and know that although I feel adrift in the middle of the ocean, there will be a day I will spot the shoreline again.  (from Transitions book).  I don’t know which continent I will wash up on, but I will LAND someday.

Just norming this process for myself and sharing it with you.


Change “one” thought

Ahhh- sometimes it can seem like so much or too much, as we really go solidly into a healing process.  So, it helps to pick “one” thing to focus on.  Changing just our thoughts won’t be the total process of healing shame, but it is part of the process.

Sometimes when I am writing my “morning pages”- a term from Julia Cameron’s Book, “The Artist’s Way”, I will stumble onto a thought that totally amazes me.  I realize it is my thought and I become very aware it is a thought I DO NOT want to carry around anymore.  For instance, a thought I realized I did not want was how I subtly (or not so subtly) want my husband to do certain things to show he loves me.  ACK- even as I write it I cringe.  So, the new thought is:  “What if, the way he is and shows he loves me is absolutely perfect- now- and always!”  It completely shifts the energy.  Now I notice all the ways he shows he cares and loves me as opposed to looking for the certain ways I designated the way I wanted things to be.

Changing that thought feels so good and peaceful.  It is between myself and me (well, except for all who read this blog!)  I look for ways to create more peace in my life.  This is clearly one way.


My First Post


New Dog And New WebSite

It has been a long time, but I am now learning to build my own web site and make my own changes.  Yeah!  So, bear with me, please, as I go into this process.

You are about to also see my NEW and wonderful dog, named, Sunny.  He is a Sunny fellow!


Staying Stuck

I have so many people come into my office or call me, because they “feel stuck”  in their relationships, work, healing, and beliefs.  That call is so important, because we cannot even begin the “changing” process if we can’t identify where we are in the NOW.  Many times people are ashamed about how long they have been stuck and simply cannot believe they can change.  If you can identify where you are stuck and the beliefs that keep you there, you are on your way to becoming unstuck.  I would love to coach you into change.  I have done it myself and believe you can do it as well.  Barb

Healing Shame

I am sitting here tonight thinking about the ultimate healing of shame.  The voice of shame never quits and I am not sure it will, at least until I am home with my God.  However, I do believe we can return home while still living in this world, and that although the shame voice may still come up, we can heal from it.  One has to be absolutely willing to believe that we were created in love, and that love is our only truth.  Shame would never have you believe this.  It will always tell us we have something to prove, that we are never enough, that we need to continue to pay penance, and that we can’t truly be forgiven.  I believed shame for so long.  I was sure it was right and that I would always feel “less than” at some deep level.  Well, shame wore me down.  It beat me up and tore me down until I said- “no more.”  I am done believing shame above Love.  I am done believing that I have to prove myself.  I am done.

Healing is about noticing the voice of shame and then being willing to turn in the direction of love.  It is a choice once you know it is a choice.  Until then one doesn’t know one has a choice.  Shame is its own enemy.  It is so vicious that eventually you can’t take it and have to turn in a different direction.  That direction is the voice of love.  It never was not there.  It just felt like that.  It has always been the truth.  On the cross Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”  As long as shame directs our life, we know not what we do.  Healing is about turning in the direction of truth and love.  I just won’t keep listening to shame, no matter how convincing it seems to be.  I am tired and done.  Healing is about listening to a different voice.  I am ready.

Daily reminder-  Shame is NEVER the truth.  Notice that and turn in the direction of love.

What is coaching on healing shame?

I call myself a healing shame coach.  What is this exactly?  Coaching is about helping people step into their lives, dreams, a different way of being in the world.  I help people step out of the limititations shame places on them and help them step into all they can be.  Shame is the inner belief that one is limited and/or undeserving of their dreams.  It will stop one from dreaming and stop one from believing you can have your dreams.  I help people to recognize shame for what it is and to begin to believe a different inner voice.  I coach them in the life that can be lived when one does not listen to shame, but listen to a loving, peaceful, joyful inner voice.  That voice is in each of us, but we often cannot hear it due to the loudness and familiarity of the shame voice.  We have to learn to listen to the voice of love on the inside.  It is not always easy, and our shame will do everything it can to stop us, but it is possible.  It is possible if we are willing to begin to believe that there is another way of being in this world.  As a coach I help people step into this other way of being in the world- to step out of shame- and to live in a truth of joy and peace and inner contentment. 

Shame is so loud and familiar that we often need help in recognizing it and listening to a different voice.  That is what I do- I help people to listen for and to a different voice. 

I don’t think most of us can do this without an outer witness, a person who can hold us in deep respect and care.  When our shame is exposed in this way, it can be healed and we can become all that we, in truth are. 

I love doing this work with people.  I love being present for people as they do the deep, loving work with themselves.  It is such an honor and so deeply rewarding to be present with people as they heal from a sense of shame and become all they can be.

Daily reminder-  Two or more people creates a very different energy for healing.  Shame lives in the quiet of our soul, and when exposed in the presence of another, loving person, it cannot persist.  Coaching provides this opportunity.

Welcome to Life Coaching Online

Welcome to Life Coaching Online

Here you will find your needs in order to change your life for the better forever; with certified life coach Barbara Tonn. You may also find help, advice and answers to your many questions in regards to building and living green with Sustainable living building consultant, Michael Tonn….read more at