In order to bring shame into healing we need to be aware we are in shame. I am going to write a short list of indicators that one is most likely in “shame.”
1. If one is experiencing being “stuck”. Often our shame has us in a double bind or a shame bind where we believe we should do this or that. When we only have 2 choices we are usually not truly in choice, but are caught between a rock and a hard place (shame). We need to open up into all the choices that are possible to release from this “stuck” spot.
2. If one is cycling in a self-defeating behavior. As we move into a shame cycle we always move into a self-defeating behavior. It can be addictions, an inner critic that leads the way, compulsive behavior that is a distraction but not a help, etc.
3. If you “can’t not” do something. Often on the heals of the “self-defeating ” behavior we move into a behavior that we know is not good for us, or is not helping us, but we can’t not do it. We can often see a choice that would be helpful, but are unable to do it.
4. If you are living in a SHOULD. Some of my earlier blogs talk about the word should. I will be so bold as to say that if we are in a should or shouldn’t we are in shame. We are not living from our truth but from a belief that comes from outside of self that is dictating the behavior. If we change the should to could, we will in all likelihood be able to make a choice for self that moves us out of shame and into our truth.
5. If you are in a defensive posture. When our shame is triggered we move immediately into a defensive posture. So, when you are defensive, look for what your shame is telling you.
6. If you can’t get in touch with a feeling or need without feeling badly about yourself. Many times we feel shame about having certain feelings and needs. Therefore, when we have the feeling or need we feel shame.
These are some indicators of shame.