I am writing the section in my book on “Red Flags that we are in Shame”. I really feel this one is so significant.
Because we believe in our shame as our truth, we don’t believe we, or others, truly deserve forgiveness. Because we cannot meet the standards perfection demands, and neither can others, we never feel anyone is truly worthy of forgiveness. We don’t get to acknowledge “the best” because it always falls short. We don’t get to make mistakes, be human, or falter in any way. Forgiveness is about releasing judgement, and shame will not allow this. Shame is all about judgement and judging harshly. Shame believes if it lets go of this, only something horrible would come of it. So, we keep demanding of ourselves, not releasing judgement, because we believe we would completely loose control if we did. Fear wraps us up in a tight bow and won’t let go.